According to Webster’s dictionary intention is a mental state that represents a commitment to carrying out an action or actions in the future. Intention involves mental activities such as planning and forethought. Since mindfulness is all about “the now and the present moment” how does intention with its future focused bent relate? For me the two are inextricably linked; for until I recognized the essentialness of intention I couldn’t/wouldn’t make the space for my mindfulness practice to grow. And that is true of all things relating to intention. Intention lays the groundwork and paves the road. It keeps me on the path and whenever I acknowledge my intention I am more inclined to stay the course, but only if I’m mindful. For it takes that awareness to come in and reaffirm “oh yes, I am choosing x,y,z”. Over and over and over again. Most of the time the automatic pilot mode (mindlessness) that we find ourselves in doesn’t pause long enough to consider intention and consequently we often only wake up to unwanted realities through pain or despair.
So my mindful “yes” to life showed up this week in the usual ways through frustrations and joys, irritations and kindness. An example I shared with our dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) women’s skill building group at work was a story about making the bed. I often notice that while I am engaged in any activity I’ll have a mental narrative playing in my head. Sometimes my story is positive but if I am honest and when I really check in and observe, I notice that many of my thoughts are negatively toned with a storyline of “me, me, me and my, my, my”. This particular morning as I was rushing around trying to get Molly and myself ready, make her ketogenic diet foods for breakfast and lunch, I stopped to make the bed. A short back story is necessary at this point. My husband, Jerry, gets up at 5 AM every morning, works out, meditates, makes his own breakfast and then walks around the house or outside when it’s nice looking at things (I think). Great for him. I used to be jealous of his peaceful morning routine until I started getting up a bit earlier myself to have a little me time to read my daily reflections, do yoga and meditate. However, I’m still usually running about ten minutes behind schedule – just not a great morning person. Perhaps this is due to growing up on a dairy farm and being forced to get up at 5 AM every day – I’m just conditioned to rebel. Now my mind’s morning playlist is one I know well. It’s usually “Am I the only person in this house who sees this needs to be done?” and “What the hell is he doing walking around looking at the plants!” or my favorite, “Is he that flipping oblivious?!” As I straightened and tucked the sheets on my husband’s side I noticed that the fitted sheet was popped off the corner and my petty, immature self said “just leave it that way and maybe he’ll blah, blah, blah, blah.” My mind was in the thought stream and it was flowing strong. But in a moment of awareness I caught myself and remembered my intention to say yes. Dang! I was caught. I couldn’t just leave the sheet untucked. I chose to say yes to what is and no to the narrative in my mind. And when I did, I noticed that I felt a little more spacious – like I was really honoring something significant, even as small as it was. Now the story didn’t end there. I realized also that if I wanted to edit my playlist then I’d have to take an action step toward change. So as he’s filling his third cup of coffee I confidently ask if he thought maybe he could make the bed at least half of the time. Easy. Why didn’t I do this a long time ago? Resistance. Oh yeah, now I remember I silently say to myself as I hear his storyline unfold about how much he does around here, blah, blah, blah. I just listened and validated his perspective and it ended well because I no longer expect him or anyone else to read my mind. That usually happens whenever we use our voice and ask for what we need. But it has to first start with an intention to listen internally and to mindfully choose our response. Viktor Frankl said it best when he wrote “between stimulus and response there is a space – in that space is our power to choose our response – in our response lies our growth and freedom.”
The more I wake up to mindfulness the more I realize that intention is always guiding me toward my best self. And it’s the small things that make the biggest difference. Like catching my thoughts and without judging them, just reflecting a moment to gauge whether or not they fit my intention. Another intention I have is to not believe everything my thoughts tell me. Most of them are inaccurate. Most of the time however we’re not even questioning them. Inquiry is paramount. For when I examine the contents of my mind two things immediately happen: 1) I recognize that I left the present moment and 2) I realize this is a re-run thought. A re-run thought is one that I’ve probably been recycling over and over again and that neural network is thick in my brain. If I want to create a new pathway that forges a trail into new brain territory, then I have to give up my attachment to the re-run thought and bring myself back to the only true reality – now. And it is then, according to Mr. Frankl, that we really are powerful, that we really are growing, that we really are free. Amen
