Radical acceptance is a continual process. We never completely arrive at a place where we say “I’ve done it! I have no need to radically accept any more.” If we do I believe we are just kidding ourselves and possibly tempting fate. Rather I’ve learned it’s an ongoing trek through layers of life’s unfolding; each awareness opening us up to greater possibilities for growth and freedom. It is in that sacred moment of pausing that we recognize this opportunity and essentially that is really what mindfulness is asking us to do. Pause and just observe, refocus – perhaps choose radical acceptance in that moment – and then observe again, this time through a slightly different lens. The more I practice this the clearer my lens becomes.
This week’s experiences for choosing mindful yes in my life were varied but all significant when I reflect back on them. Most noteworthy is my daily practice with Molly. It took me a long time to begin to feel comfortable in my “mother of a special needs child” skin years ago when she was first diagnosed with autism and the origin of my depression began in that non acceptance. Sometimes deep learning can only come through pain. So as Molly’s mother and through the practice of radical acceptance I again and again get the opportunities to practice patience, kindness and compassion. Things have become somewhat easier and at the same time more difficult as she’s become a teenager with all the unrestrained moodiness afforded to adolescence. I find myself saying “yes” even as it’s tinged with pain whenever her frustrations morph into an outburst in behavior at others or herself. I find that by saying “yes” to the situation instead of my egoic conditioning to recoil against, I am more present to assist her in whatever difficulty is arising in her life. And her life is one filled with difficulty. Simple things are difficult and she knows this – painfully knows this. Several years ago when my mindfulness practice was still in infancy I can recall a moment one day when Molly’s inability to accomplish a simple task of putting on her socks frustrated her and myself as well. Being the emotional empath she is, I am certain she could feel my anger (no, rage) at our life situation. I recall screaming internally “where is God!” and feeling so disconnected in that moment from anything remotely associated with love. But in a strange flash of insight/awareness/presence, I knew the answer “right here on the other side of this separation.” And that was a moment when I began to get it. I began to see that my rejection of this experience was a rejection of life and love for it is only in this one moment that our life is ever being revealed. So when I push against it of course I am rejecting life and love and God. I was keeping myself separate instead of accepting the reality of my life. Then I began to see God in my life in ways that I couldn’t imagine before. By choosing acceptance I embrace patience, kindness and compassion. And I have to do it over and over and over again. I guess I am rediscovering God again and again.
So back to my daily practice with Molly. It’s become easier (no essential) to say yes in acceptance for this life journey we’re traveling together. I find myself saying yes to daily acts of service for her well-being instead of holding resentment which at one time enveloped my being and drug me deeper into depression. As I assist her with life’s challenges I now remark at how much she’s accomplished and praise her for her efforts. I do this mindfully and I truly do download the positive experience I feel when she achieves another milestone. Recently that has been the ability to wash her own hair and get dressed independently. What a gift!
By mindfully allowing the present moment to be as it is and choosing to accept I sense more space in my beingness. My energy shifts and I can allow for more to come in – more experience, more awareness, more compassion, more joy. And I see things that were previously unseen.
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